Saturday, December 14, 2013

All by Myself

One of the things I pride myself on the most is my ability to be alone.

I learned to be alone while on my mission - which is ironic since missionaries are assigned companions that they are to be with every minute of every day. I did not see eye-to-eye with some of my companions and it is a very lonely existence to live with someone day in and day out that you have nothing in common with. After my mission, I lived alone without any roommates and this strengthened my ability to be alone.

I can go to the bathroom, movies, out to eat, etc all by myself. Sometimes I would rather be alone than with other people. I am a total hermit and I feel like this is a good thing.

It gives me a certain freedom to be able to be alone. I am not limited by the availability of my friends in order to see something I want (movie, concert, gallery showing) - I can just go alone. This also gives me the freedom to arrive and leave when I want. If I am not enjoying whatever, I can just up and leave and not have to worry about ruining anyone else's time.

I also feel that this gives me so much freedom when it comes to relationships. I am not tied to a toxic relationship because I don't want to be alone. I have the power to know that I can be alone and love it, so it's not necessary for me to stay in a bad relationship. I am able to walk away.

This really helps me in my marriage because I know that I am in the relationship because I choose to be; not out of fear, or obligation, but because I love DH and I choose to be with him - warts and all. I also know that I would be just fine without him, so I don't need him in order to be a whole person. I feel like this strengthens us both, because I am not dependent on him - this gives us both the freedom to be the individuals that we are. I am in this relationship because I love him.

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