Bad Friend

I am the worst friend.

• I’m totally self absorbed and therefore a horrible listener. All I want to do is talk about myself. Hello, I have TWO blogs!
• I am super flaky and busy and always running around and not really someone who can be *there* for you.  
• I say the stupidest, most random, inappropriate things at the totally wrong time and don’t even notice it until I wake up in the middle of the night and want to punch myself in the face.
• I am always addressing the elephant in the room – especially when no one wants the elephant to be addressed.
• I will borrow things from you and take forever to return them.
• I think I’m one of these people who when they say they’re going to do something that they do it, but I either flake out at the last minute, or leave it to the last minute so that it’s only half done.

However…

• If you need someone to distract you from your life and problems with random and weird stories of her past, I’m your girl.
• If you need someone to say the thing that everyone’s thinking, but are afraid to say it out loud, I’m your girl.
• If you need someone to tell you what the name of that song/artist/book/movie is, I'm your girl.
• If you need someone to go shopping with and be totally honest with you about how your rear end looks in those jeans and has the ability to suggest something even more fabulous that you will love, then I’m your girl.
• If you need someone who drives fast and sings at the top of her lungs (poorly) to cheesy top forty love songs while car dancing on a road trip, I’m totes your girl.
• If you need someone to hug you until you stop crying, I’m your girl.
• If you need someone to take you dancing, I’m your girl.
• If you need someone who is going to look sillier/crazier/more unbalanced (in more ways than one) than you, I’m your girl.
• If you need someone to entertain you with random useless information about movies, music, and celebrities, I’m your girl.
• If you need someone to laugh at, I’m your girl.
• If you need someone to do your nails with, I’m your girl.
• If you need someone to french braid your hair, I'm your girl.
• If you want someone who’s going to be wishy-washy and opinionated and on the fence and see all sides of the issue at the same time so that you can gain some perspective, I’m your girl.
• If you need someone who has your back even if she’s a million miles away and has no personal time, all you have to do is hit me over the head (or just tell me), and I’m your girl.
• If you need someone to correct your spelling and grammar, I’m your girl.
• If you want someone to introduce you to weird, wacky, strange music/movies/fashion/art/literature, then I'm definitely your girl.
• If you need someone who will be totally devoted to you and tell you so, I'm your girl.

 

I may not be the best friend in the world, but I am the funnest, most distracting, silliest friend. FOR. SURE.