Saturday, March 17, 2012

Time Bomb

In “Jane Austen Book Club” –excellent movie, I highly recommend it- the Prudie character bemoans: “our mothers are like time bombs, ticking inside of us, just waiting to go off”. She was freaking out because she was terrified of turning into her mother.

I was raised with the idea that becoming your mother is the absolute worst thing that could happen to you. Telling my mum that she is like her mother is the number one WORST thing that you could say to her. She will KNOCK. YOU. OUT. Trust me, my mum can take you. You don’t want to mess with her. I can say it because I’m her favourite. (right?)

My mother raised me to be not like her, but better than her. Super easy task, thought my disrespectful much cooler teenage self.

But then I yell and scream at my kids, something I swore upside-down and backwards that I would never do to my kids because she did that to us and I hated it and I want to crawl inside a hole and disappear and die and I don’t deserve to be a mother look how awful I am I’ve turned into my mother.

I used to envy them, but I feel sorry for those daughters of amazing women who had to grow up in their mothers’ shadows and live up to their expectations and the expectations of others. It’s a good thing Mother Theresa and Ardeth G. Kapp never had any daughters. Look what happened to Chastity Bono. (I kid, I kid)

My mum was just one of those regular mothers who did regular stuff. Like sing along with Freddie Mercury to the dog while she did the dishes. I would, like, totally roll my eyes at her when she did that.

And yet, I find myself singing and dancing along to my iTunes with Orso while I empty the dishwasher and scrub the stove and I get why she did it. The dog worships you and loves you for who you are. From the moment your children can speak they feel it necessary to tell you you're doing it wrong. Just the other day, Huey informed me, "Mom, you're too old to rock skinny jeans" which reminded me of the many times I told my mother that she had "a triangle butt".

So I guess turning into parts of your mother is not the worst thing in the world.

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