Wednesday, June 19, 2013

One of the Best Moments of my Life

I just don’t know what I’m going to do when Huey is a real teenager. This last year has been a real struggle with him. My perfect, angel boy who helped with everything and always said yes has been talking back or not talking at all, slams the door in my face and has given up in school. He used to have perfect grades. Now he’s failing. He won’t do anything we ask him unless we threaten him within an inch of his life.

Many times I have had to pull over on my drive home because I am thinking about this and my heart is breaking so much that I am sobbing.

One night, DH and Huey were fighting and he was lipping off to DH and I just had it. I was stressed to the gills and snapped. I was yelling and freaking out to the point that DH had to hold me to save me from myself and I couldn’t stop crying. I thought that DH was going to have me committed. Both boys were in their rooms crying and terrified.

After I finally calmed down, I went to both boys to tell them I was sorry. Dewey and I hugged and cried and kissed and made up. I can’t remember quite what I said to Huey, but it was something to do with what a terrible mother I was because when I was a kid my mum yelled at me and I swore I would never yell at my kids and I was so, so sorry.

“No, Mom, you’re the best.” That’s what he said. And he hugged me hard. And I cried so hard.

I can’t tell you how much that meant to me to hear that, especially at that moment. I go back to this moment over and over again. I can still hear his voice in my head telling me that I’m the best. I will never forget it.

I love that kid so much. I miss him terribly as he shuts me out while he tries to figure out how to be a man, so I will stand on the sidelines, loving him until my heart explodes and then loving him even more.

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