Sometimes I feel like a Who.
You know, the Whos on the piece of fuzz on the clover flower in Horton Hears a Who? You know, “a person’s a person, no matter how small”?
Well, I’m a person. I have feelings and thoughts and things to say. I exist. I am real. I am here. I do things and they matter. Right?
Sometimes I feel like I do these things and no one notices or cares, like I’m invisible. Like if I didn’t exist there would be no dent in the universe. No blip. Nothing. No ones’ path would be effected or altered if I had never come into their lives. Nothing I do matters. If I didn’t do it, someone else would and there’s nothing special or unique about me. I feel like an insignificant speck in the universe. Like I could very easily be replaced and no one would even notice.
Sometimes that’s okay. I don’t mind being invisible and under the radar. I actually prefer to not be the centre of attention. I’m totally okay with that, but at times, just occasionally, it would be nice if my existence was acknowledged.
“Hey, rantgirl, just wanted to let you know that I’m glad you were born. I’m glad that you exist.” Something like that.
I get so frustrated with life sometimes. So much of life is so unnecessary; the boring mundane stuff like work and chores and showering - just kidding about the showering. The other stuff too. They’re all necessary, but they’re not earth shattering or life changing. They’re just necessary - and boring.
My life is pretty boring; mostly satisfying, but totally boring. I have a boring job and I’m a boring Mom in a boring town with a boring house. There are things that are super great about my life, like my Man and my boys and my dog, and I really like my house, but that’s about it.
I’m not asking for a more exciting life. I don’t need any more excitement in my life. It’s nice to be settled, calm, and drama free.
I just have these moments in my life where I’m reminded how totally unimportant I am and it hurts my ego a little bit.