I was raised to think that turning into your mother was the absolute worst thing that could ever happen to you. The most insulting thing you could say to my mother was that she was acting just like her mother. She raised us to be better than her, not to be like her.
This has caused a problem in that we all eventually turn into our mothers so when I find myself acting like my mother I want to kill myself because I’m a complete failure – I turned into my mother.
I have a friend who has a mother who is bi-polar and therefore has her own mother issues. I told her once that we get to a point where we have to stop blaming our mothers for how we are but forgive our mothers otherwise we will never be able to give ourselves a break for being human and falling into some of the patterns that our mothers set for us.
I posted this on Facebook the other day:
A tip: When using a safety pin in lieu of the button on your pants, don’t wait until the last minute to go to the washroom. Especially if you are wearing pantyhose.
This is what my sister commented on the above post:
HAHAHAHAHA! YOU are wearing pants and nylons!! AND you called them pantyhose!! You turned into Mom!!
Normally, that would have been the biggest insult, but I have been noticing more and more how much like my mother I am and I totally cringe and writhe about it. Especially now that I have a tween and I am witnessing very tween rantgirl like behaviour coming from him and directed at my dorky Mom self. You know, the eye rolling, the shaking of the head, the please-don’t-tell-other-people-that-you’re-my-mother attitude. The jumping in the car and telling me to “go, go, GO!” so that I don’t talk to anyone for fear I may embarrass him. Also, I’m looking more and more like my mother physically as I age.
Because of this, I have really been pondering the terror of turning into your mother and the whole forgiving her for being human thing.
I can think of worse things that could happen to me. I could turn into my sister!!
(That was mostly a joke – the turning into my sister thing)
So I decided to think about the things that are awesome about my mum that make me awesome and make it so that it’s not such a horrible thing that I’m turning into my mother.
We have the following in common:
We have the following in common:
- My mum is a ferocious defender of those she loves. She will defend them to the end of the earth and then some. You better watch out, she will fight you to the death and she will win if you try to mess up her kids. Right after I got home from my mission, my brother was in a bad situation and some dude came to our house to try and get to my brother and my mum almost literally flew off the porch into his face screaming at him to stay far far away from my brother. Ever seen a 5’ 10” wolverine with frosted tips and piercing blue eyes protecting her young? Same same. I never saw that dude again, and I think my brother straightened up his life out of gratitude to my mum for being so crazy in that guy’s face. It was pretty scary. And totally awesome.
- My mum knows how to enjoy the little things; like singing in the car at the top of your lungs when a good song comes on the radio. Car dancing? Yeah, my mum invented that.
- My mum totally loves to laugh. She can't help herself. Even when she doesn't want to laugh, she laughs. My siblings and I are all really funny. I think that stems from trying to get my mother to laugh. She has a really distinct laugh. And it's loud. And fabulous.
- My mum is a really good dancer. She used to win jive dancing contests with her brother when she was a teen in the sixties. How cool is that?
- My mum loves good music. She has instilled that in me and I am passing it on to my children. I have good taste in music because of her, and my children have even better taste in music because of me. We also have random kitchen dance parties. I always loved doing that when I was a kid, so I pass it on to my kids. My boys had better marry chicks who like to have random dance parties in the kitchen. It is also a rule that the dog participates.
- My mum has awesome perspective. I have always been able to just lay things out for her and she says like seven words and *boom* everything is set right. BOOM. I don’t know what I’m going to do when I can’t just call her and hash everything out. She’s always been there for me in that respect.
- My mum is a fighter. Sometimes I regret that I get this from her. Sometimes I wish there was less yelling and more talking and working things out and being rational, but if you need someone to fight for you – holy crap. My mum’s the best. Also, if you need someone to be irrational and rant and rave with indignation right beside you? She’s your girl.
- My mum is ALWAYS on my side. Even when I’m wrong, she backs me up and lets me figure out I was wrong and make the necessary amends and supports me in that too. Yeah, that woman will Back. You. UP.
- My mum is fierce. She has these piercing blue eyes – I call them blue lightning – that will stab your soul. She can see right through you. She was always able to see when people were up to no good with us. She can always see what’s up with you. She’s an excellent judge of character.
- My mum gives great advice. See number 6.
- My mum is my friend. She is there for me, rooting for me, proud of me, and I know it – and that is the best thing.