I am a private person. I only want people knowing what I tell them about me, and I hate it when people talk about me. I do not want people up in my business. If I wanted you to know something about me, I would tell you. I’m a pretty open book, but only with the things I choose to show you. I don’t want you delving into my personal personal stuff.
Also, if you want to know something about me, all you have to do is ask, I will probably tell you. I hate people speculating about me more than anything. The speculations are usually wrong and I really really hate it when people assume stuff.
This is one of the reasons why I have no friends. I have major trust issues and I only open up to people to a certain extent. I hide this by staying on the surface and being shallow, while being really honest and straight-forward with people. That way I can distract them from knowing how private I truly am.
I respect your privacy. If I know something about you and you didn’t tell me yourself, then I pretend that I don’t know that thing until you tell me. I figure if someone wants me to know something, they will tell me themselves. I do not believe in spreading the word. Unless it’s positive, uplifting, awesome news; like an engagement or a new baby or fabulous shoes or something.
So it really bugs me when people pass on news about me. Stuff that I wanted kept private, but neglected to tell the person I was telling that it was private and I didn’t want it passed around. You would assume that something that is obviously personal would be something that one would want to be kept private, but in this the day of Facebook and Twitter and Blogger, I guess you really need to specify these sorts of things.
When Dewey first got sick, I got really nostalgic because I could control the outcome of the past, but I couldn’t control the outcome of the future, so I joined Facebook. It was really great reconnecting with my old pals. Being the private person that I am, I didn’t post anything about Dewey on FB. I wasn’t interested in broadcasting my grief to the world. I discovered that one of my friends was living her childhood dream and working as a nurse. I sent her a private message telling her about what was going on with me. I just found out that she had gone and told some of my other friends about it. It’s been five years, I shouldn’t be mad, but I kind of am. I feel a little betrayed. I also feel a little stupid because we just recently all got together and it came up and I was explaining to my friends that I thought didn’t know, and they already knew. They had known all this time. So now I don’t know what makes me angrier; that my friend talked about me, or that my other friends knew and didn’t say a word to me about it! Like, how could you know this about a person – someone you were good friends with - and not reach out to them and say, “Hey old friend, our other old friend told us about your little boy and I just wanted to let you know that I love you/I’m praying for you/I’m so sorry.” Like the friend that I had initially reached out to was so loving and kind and wonderful and said such lovely things even though she told other people my business but it was out of the kindness of her heart because she was so heartbroken for me, so I guess I just forgave my original friend, but now I’m mad at my other friends. Just kidding - I forgave you twenty seconds ago. I could never stay mad at you, you're so pretty and nice. I’m so dumb.
Another thing; if you tell me not to tell anyone, I. WILL. NOT. TELL. A. SOUL. My sister-in-law called me one time because she needed to talk to someone and asked me not to tell anyone. She had some stuff going on in her life and she needed an outsider’s opinion and a listening ear. I totally vaulted that information. She must have told her mother or her step-father because the information got to my husband and he brought it up one time when he was talking to her. So she assumed that it was me that told him because according to her I was the only one she told, but he told her that I hadn’t said anything to him, but he couldn’t remember where he heard it. Now she doesn’t trust me and thinks that I told DH when she specifically asked me not to and I specifically did not say a word to him nor anyone else. I feel so bad because I really like her and so didn't want to break her trust and was so honoured that she chose to talk to me, her trust in me was broken any way. So I guess I feel really dumb about that too because when someone tells me to not say anything, I don’t, but invariably, that person tells someone else and another person, and someone else blabs and it gets blamed on me because I have a big mouth. Trust me, my mouth is not that big and I totally respect your desire for secrecy.
So that was a weird tangent, but just know that I’m very private and I will respect your privacy and even if you don’t tell me not to tell anyone, I most definitely will not tell anyone about what’s going on with you, so your secret is safe with me.
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